I literally spent 2 years, 3 agents, a pound of lost hair, and several ulcers trying to get published. It was truly, truly, a nightmare. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, and my heart aches for those aspiring writers out there whose dream is to have their visions on paper and read by the human race. I was one of the lucky ones. I have been able to sustain an income from my books, but I sure as hell am no bestseller. No beachfront dream home in my immediate future, but I love what I do and count my blessings.
Now, onto Snookie.
This half-pint, Oompa-Loompa, whose claim to fame is doing failed gymnastic routines while drunk on a Jersey beach just made the NYT Bestseller List. Actually, she’s not even from New Jersey. Like the rest of the cast, she’s from New Yawk. This is a gal (I think. She doesn’t appear to be a tranny, but I could be wrong) who walks into a room with her stick-straight dark hair, (minus the poof), and captures the attention of those in attendance. Most think it is because of her uber celebrity status and hit show. I, personally, think that people immediately look at her and drop their jaws because they genuinely believe she is “Samara” from The Ring, or that creepy chick from The Grudge. They scatter in hoards with the notion that if they stay, their soul will be sucked out of their bodies and they will forever wind up with contorted faces.
Actually, I could probably sit down on a bar stool next to ol’ Snooks and have a damn good time. However, the notion that she has crushed thousands of authors with PHD’s, Master’s Degrees, etc. in her climb to the bestseller list is simply astonishing. Furthermore, it’s a NOVEL! I could see a tell-all or a “behind-the-scenes-of-the-Jersey Shore-train wreck-type- book.” But, a NOVEL? Does this girl have a clue to the meaning of the words, “protagonist, plot, suspense, resolution, climax, character development, and all-around WRITING LIK U HAV A HI SKOOL DEEPLOMA?”
I think not. Snookie’s editors, undoubtedly, have resorted to smoking crack.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve watched “The Jersey Shore” and kind of like ol’ Snooks; but, to punch a hole through the publishing industry and become a bestseller? This is comparable to the end of days. Snookie has truly shattered the American publishing industry; kind of like Madonna did when she put out a “children’s book.”—another total WTF?
I have been slowing stewing and quickly flicking a middle finger towards the publishing industry; lack of timely royalty statements, inaccurate numbers, dealing with asshole editors that were literally born without a soul or personality, etc. (Yeah, that was directed at you, C, you disgusting-lazy-worthless-piece-of-garbage-claim-to-be-editor-who-if-I-had-enough-$-I-would-hire-someone-to-break-your-legs). Of course, I would never do that—but this is a blog, and I’m allowed to say what I’m feeling at the time, yes? Please, don’t all of you get your knickers in a bunch—I’m clearly not a violent person, but seriously, this guy is the biggest, arrogant, asshole I’ve seen this side of the Iraqi border. And, he’s a New York editor…unbelievable.
Famed author JA Konrath felt the same and decided to take his followers and do it on his own terms. I say, “Kudos, JA.” With the publishing industry tossing themselves off the cliff and putting out books written by “Snookie,” I have one question.
Can you say, “Desperate?”